The 2 Tools I Used To Transcend Depersonalization
Our goal, with this essay, is sharing.
Sharing what?
The two tools I used to transcend depersonalization.
Right before we dive in, there are three things that must be noted:
- You will not find a definition of depersonalization within this essay.
- My experience with depersonalization was rooted in anxiety; nothing more and nothing less.
- The ideas within this essay are expressed in a manner that avoids triggering language.
So, with that in mind, let’s begin!.
My Depersonalization Origin Story
On the night of May 13th, of 2023, I had a panic attack.
Or, maybe it was May 12th?
It’s hard to remember.
On the night of May 13th, of 2023, I had a panic attack.
And, after that panic attack, my world seemed different.
All sorts of strange thoughts began flowing through me. And, life seemed, well, rather strange.
I was scared.
Very scared.
But, I was also very lucky: I knew what it was — depersonalization — and, at least, knew that it might not last.
Or, at least, that it hopefully would not, in fact, last.
My hopes were correct.
The 2 Tools I Used To Transcend Depersonalization
The two tools I used to transcend depersonalization were as follows:
- Everytime the anxiety became too intense, I prayed to God, the Universe, Life; and so on and so forth.
- Feeding my mind with books, things to write, good movies, fun activities; and so on and so forth.
You can find two examples, of the above, right below:
- If I felt a sense of vague panic rising, I would pray and, in praying, say something like “God, please, please help me. Please help me. And, since I know you will, thank you so much.”
- Every single day, within my depersonalization experience, was spent absorbed in my work, in the books that I was reading, in different essays that I wanted to write; among many other things.
Both of these tools helped me get through every day.
Somehow, prayer worked really, really well, when a sense of panic was coming on. And, feeding my mind helped me go beyond my anxious thought patterns, which helped me transcend depersonalization.
Right before we conclude this section, let’s clarify the term “transcend.”
To “transcend” means to “go further, rise above, or be more important or better than something, especially a limit.”
On some level, this definition is a little silly.
Depersonalization is more of an experience than an echelon one transcends.
And, yet, in my experience, that isn’t entirely accurate.
Depersonalization is an experience. But, it’s also a habit.
A habit of thinking. A habit of feeling.
Our anxious thought patterns serve as the doorway through which depersonalization arises.
If we keep holding onto the same anxious thought patterns, depersonalization remains a fact of our lives.
But, if we develop new thought patterns, to supplant the old ones, we forfeit depersonalization’s hold.
Developing new thought patterns is a kind of transcendence.
Going from one state of being — a series of habits, that is, which serve as our state of being — to an entirely new, and far more healthy, state of being — again, a series of habits — is transcendence.
It is rising above that which holds you back, and soaring high into the Heavens you wish to live within.
We possess the infinite freedom needed to engineer our own transcendence.
Just as you might assume, this includes transcending depersonalization, habitual anxieties, and other, related, issues.
Or, at least — and, really, this must be emphasized — that is my perspective/experience.
Your experience may be very different. And, if so, your experience is, of course, completely valid.
My New Beginning
On November 23rd, of 2023, which was a Thursday, I went to my local theater.
Right there, at my local theater, was a showing of “The Lord Of The Rings: Fellowship Of The Ring.”
I love the “Lord Of The Rings” movies. And, it had been a while since I saw them, so the experience was exciting.
On that cool afternoon, right before the movie started, a feeling came over me.
“My life is very, very good.”
But, on top of that, there was another feeling.
“My life is about to become much, much better.”
It’s hard to explain it in words.
But, there was this feeling that the moment I was inhabiting, and the moments that would follow that one, was something I would treasure for the remainder of my life.
If I had to call it something, it might be “peace.”
You might also couch it in terms like “the awareness of future nostalgia” or “a peak experience.”
Those work, too.
Regardless of that, though, I was in that moment.
And, from that moment on, depersonalization began flowing away at a rapid pace.
Eventually, by the end of December — really, the 4th of December, as that’s when it had been forgotten — my depersonalization was completely, and irrevocably, gone.
None of this was without build-up; peace had, slowly but surely, began flowing into my life since July.
But, for whatever reason, it was within that moment, when things felt so, so much better.
I don’t know why.
Not really.
But, if I had to wager a guess, it’s because, within that moment, I realized something.
I realized that I am, and always was, completely safe.
Depersonalization seems scary. But, it would never, ever hurt me.
I suppose I realized that, on November 23rd. And, I suppose that’s why it had to go.
Conclusion
Just to wrap this up, thank you for reading!
The above is my experience. And, of course, nothing more than my experience.
Even so, though, my hope is that the two tools outlined above help you.
If you are living with depersonalization at this time, you have my prayers, sympathy, and love.
Oh, and if you want to reach out, you can do so by sending an email to “maxwellcakin@gmail.com.”
Best wishes and have a beautiful day!